A friend recently confessed to me that she has been in and out of depression for 15 years. I offered to share with her a simple and effective way to “think” her way out of depression. She was not interested. Later, I offered her a seat in my workshop, and she refused by saying: I have tried everything and I don’t think anyone can help me.
In the past, I would have tried to convince her …until I fully understood the word RESPECT – having high regards for someone’s feelings, wishes, and rights. That’s when I realized how often we, myself included, unconsciously fail to respect.
Have we ever imposed an advice, gift or service onto colleagues, friends or family members, either convinced that we know what’s best for them or that they are obliged to appreciate our way of showing affections? Have we ever made them feel guilty or we feel resentful when they don’t accept our “kind” gestures?
Even with the best intention in the world, we may forget to respect their feelings and wishes as free-willed individuals. Even if we are 100% right, we could neglect to respect their rights to learn at their own pace or through their own mistakes, not ours.
Most importantly, respecting self precedes respecting others. To self-respect is to have high regards to our own feelings, needs, and rights. It is to be aware of our own feelings, to assertively voice our needs and to firmly protect our rights, boundaries or private space (physical, emotional mental and spiritual).
Have we ever failed to ask what we want for fear of rejection or disapproval? Have we stopped saying NO or let others decide for us simply to avoid conflicts? Have we accepted disrespectful comments or behaviors without standing up for ourselves? Probably. For one to cross the boundary, the other has to allow it. How do others know how to respect us if we don’t tell them? We teach people how to treat us.
How to practice self-respect? Speak up. How to practice respect for others? Ask what they want. Only when we fully self-respect, we can understand the scope and depth of other people’s feelings, wishes, and rights, and become a respectful person.
